Nothing is sexier than a confident woman
who embraces her own strength and
power. However, if you are married to an
alpha woman, you know all too well that
it can sometimes be hard to get her to
relax and let you take care of her, both
inside and outside the bedroom.
A marriage to an alpha woman has its
own unique set of struggles. On the one
hand, she gets everything done and your
house runs like a well-oiled machine. The
dishes are washed, the kids’ homework is
completed, the bake sale project is
prepared, and on top of all that, she’s
also organized her notes for the next
day’s meeting. But in between all the
scheduling and organizing and
commanding, sex and romance can often
slip through the cracks.
This is especially true if your mate
channels her “take-charge” attitude
toward you as well. It is not uncommon
for women to start treating their partners
the same way they treat their kids—as
they’re ordering their children to pick up
their toys, it’s all too easy to use that
same tone and command when telling
their husband to pick up his dirty socks.
And, after all, this is how many women
were raised and socialized to behave.
We see shows like King of Queens, Still
Standing, and Everybody Loves Raymond
where the husband is nothing more than
a hapless fool and the wife is the
intelligent, hard-working commanding
force who directs the entire house. Left to
his own devices, the husband would
barely be able to keep the kids alive, let
alone feed them and clothe them and get
them off to school.
Images like this become part of our social
currency and part of the way that women
and men think of their roles as wives and
husbands. We start to believe that this is
how spouses “should” act, and we begin
to expect men to be helpless in the home
and women to do it all. It’s easy to see
how this can become very problematic.
For one thing, the woman is exhausted
and overworked, meaning she has no
time to take care of herself and no time
for her sex life. She doesn’t have time to
go to the gym or hit the salon or spend
time with her friends. Suddenly, she no
longer feels sexy and desirable and that
means her sex drive is going to take a
huge hit.
For another thing, the man begins to feel
resentful. He gets tired of being constantly
infantilized and talked down to. Men want
to feel like strong, desirable mates, not
like one of the kids, so it is no wonder that
their sex drive takes a hit when their wife
treats them like a helpless child. And,
when she does so, it is hard for the
husband to find her desirable—because
instead of being a lover, she now
suddenly comes across as a Mother Hen,
constantly nagging him to pick up his
laundry. Not very sexy for either partner!
So what’s the solution? First, the
communication issues have to be
resolved. Talk to your partner about using
a different tone of voice when she
addresses you. This might even need to
be resolved in therapy if it has been going
on for years. Second, you have to step up
and make sure that your wife isn’t doing it
all. If she’s always cleaning house and
taking care of the kids while you watch
the game, it’s only reasonable that she is
going to get frustrated. Take on your
share of the responsibility around the
house and give her a break so that she
has time to go to the gym and take care
of herself. In doing so, she will feel more
connected to herself and more in the
mood for sex, so it’s a win-win for you!